Upon the loss of his beloved Patroclus, Achilles withdrew from battle to his tent on the shores of Troy to lick his wounds, grieve in private and to plot his vengeance.
Unfortunately (for some), such is how I feel today as a consequence once again of the Chairminiman asking me to try to recall what happened on Tour back in August. The short answer is that I remember very little these days (and even less about Tour) so frankly I haven’t got a clue. Nevertheless I’m required to make up something so here goes…
The tour theme was Olympic (the Beijing Games being upon us at the time). After a brief flirtation with the idea of an overseas tour to China to pit our cricketing skills and wits against the world’s best athletes at the Olympics, I decided that, as ever, Chipping Campden had more to offer. Let’s face it….its better than breathing in the smog in Beijing….and if you want to share a room with an oversized muscular hulk then ask Albert.
As Olympians, there were certain standards to be maintained and the high point was the excellent turn out this year, 36 of us attended on tour in total at some point or other (unfortunately Spleef withdrew from the squad having failed a drugs test before getting on the tour bus). Sadly, despite the large squad, we could not match the success of the GB Olympic team (as the results below will show). I put this down to a mixture of a poor pre-tour fitness regime, excessive consumption of alcohol, general lack of talent and the inclement weather which prevented us from hitting our rhythm (apart from “Dom Consonant please Carol” who found his rhythm quickly and keep his end up for the Poles, or was it his pole up ‘till the end..I can’t remember). Nevertheless, for many, in an ever increasing delicate state as the week developed, they achieved their own personal Tour PB.
If I were to compare the Tour to a marathon, it would read thus: We had a solid start with good numbers in both strength and depth which extended into the second day/leg. The middle section was a bit iffy with a lot of the older veterans falling away only to be replaced by even older veterans which slowed up the pace a little and the inexperience of yoof started showing through (my wise words based on experience “pace yourself or it’ll all end in tears” fell on deaf ears), but fresh blood arrived for the final stretch which gave us the perfect sprint finish.

The scores:
Monday at Frocester CC - Rangers 181-8 (Druv Tahil 56, A Griffiths 40, Whinger 38*) Frocester 185-4. Frocester won by 6 wickets.
Tuesday at Ombersley CC - a rain soaked pitch threatened the match but after some pre-match negotiations with the Ombersley groundstaff by telephone over breakfast at the Lygon, the Tour Manager secured a “Tour First” a prestigious 20-20 game on their artificial, sadly not for $20m. Ombersley got181-9 (20 overs) Rangers 182-5 (18.5) (A Griffiths 54, Deaks 38*). Rangers won by 5 wickets with 7 balls to spare (read it and weep Pietersen).
Rain resulted in no play on Wednesday or Thursday at the Stratford Bards or Exhall?
Friday at Bourton Vale CC - Bourton 227-8 (Clint 3-38); Rangers 227-2 (Luke Edghill 67, B Mitchell 82, A Nawab 50*). A resounding 8 wicket victory.
Before I go, I must put in print a few thank yous. First to our man in Banglastan “00” Austin for sourcing and providing magnificent tour gear in the form of coolie hats and T shirts all the way from Banglastanland. An obligatory contribution of £10 per tourist for these high quality products resulted in a reasonable sum being forwarded to him and donated to a charity in Bangladesh helping blind kids play cricket so its doubly a good cause to celebrate. Thanks as always to Lol for his Tour Guide and contributions to the Green One and to Gorey for bringing the Tour Bus loaded full of the usual transport challenged vegetables. As ever though, the majority of you did b*gger all to help but I’m delighted you all turned up and with 36 on tour on and off during the week it was one of the biggest tours yet.
Finally, after too many years of tour management, a succession regime has finally been put in place. I am delighted to advise you all that for next year’s tour I will have a new assistant tour manager in the ample and confident shape of Sprog Bail. If all goes well, as it will, the secrets of the grail will be passed on and Tour will continue on safe in the hands of a new manager and with a long and prosperous future.
Cheers
Trails